But years ago, I was losing the battle in my own life when my husband left me at 8 months pregnant. At that time, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I learned a lot during my 5-year journey of healing and self-discovery. I knew I had to share it with others.
I wrote this book not only to help women who are going through a breakup, but also for single women who are questioning why they can’t find the right guy, or for women who just want to feel more empowered in their lives.
As a child what did you want to be when you grew up?
A film actress.
What barriers have you encountered while trying to reach your goals?
Procrastination and perfectionism – I’m a master at both. I really have to consistently work at overcoming them. It’s tied into self-esteem and believing you’re good enough, which I think we all struggle with at times, no matter where you are on your “success timeline.”
What do you hope to achieve from writing?
Well, my roots are in screenwriting, so writing and making movies have always been at the top of my list. This includes a screenplay adaption of “He Did You a Favor,” which is already in the works.
My journey’s been a great example of knowing what you want, but not knowing how you’ll achieve it. I never thought I’d write a self-help book, but I did, and now it’s opening doors for me that I never dreamed of.
What made you sit down and write your story?
When my husband left, I had no friends, no job, and no life of my own. The situation forced me to make changes in my life. That’s what painful moments do – they push you in a different direction. Consequently, my life changed in ways I never imagined.
When I came up with the title, “He Did You a Favor,” that’s when I knew I had a book. The book originally came out of a stack of journals I wrote. Those journals saved me in a lot of ways.
Additionally, when other women heard my story and saw how my life had changed, they asked how they could do it too, or asked if I would talk to their brokenhearted friend. That’s when I knew it was time to sit down and actually write the book.
What was the hardest thing about Writing He Did You a Favor?
The hardest thing for me was revisiting the emotional pain I felt at the time of my breakup. I was difficult to relive all those painful memories, but I had to in order to help others.
It was also a challenge at times to find the right balance between pain and humor, but I’m glad I did, because I love the humor in this book.
I love the quote you included in Chapter 13, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Why did you select this particular quote to include?
It’s my go-to quote whenever I feel like I’m playing it too safe, or I’m afraid to take a risk. Fear holds us back.
What is your absolute favorite Motivational Phrase?
Besides the quote mentioned above, the quote I have framed on my desk is: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch.
Between those two quotes, I guess that says a lot about me, and how I approach life! I’m a big advocate for getting out of your own way and just doing what you’re meant to do.
In the book you compare a broken heart to a sugar addiction. Why did you choose the 28 day analogy?
There are various schools of thought on how long it takes to break a habit. 30 days? 45 days? 60 days?
Ultimately, I had go back to what it feels like to be attracted to a toxic guy. I felt I could relate it best to a sugar addiction. It’s that rush of energy you get, but you eventually crash, and then you need more. It’s a vicious cycle.
So I did some research and found that it takes approximately 28 days to detox from sugar, so I used that timeline to detox from your love addiction as well. It may take longer, but it’s a good place to start.
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Tell us a little about the cover art. Why did you go with that image?
This book cover went through so many incarnations (and designers) my head was spinning. At one point, I thought, “We’re never going to get this right.” I think we were trying to be overly clever, instead of conveying the simple truth of the book.
I kept going back to the core idea, which is that your ex did you a big favor because he gave you a gift – the gift of YOU. And then things began to organically take shape from there.
If you had to pick one thing that you want your readers to come away with after reading your book, what would it be?
To see everything as a favor – the good, the bad, and the ugly. You never gain personal strength without great challenges. There’s always some strength, insight, or quality you can gain from any experience.
What did you learn from writing this book?
I learned that my personal story is not unique. Other women have experienced similar situations. I discovered what I was writing was universal in many ways and that so many women could relate to it.
I also learned how amazing, courageous and resilient women are! Some of the women’s stories in this book made me laugh and others brought me to tears. We are so much stronger than we think we are!
What's next for you? Can you share some of your current work?
I’m currently working on the 2nd book in the “Did You a Favor” series (there are 6 books total) which is “She Did You a Favor.” I’m having a blast interviewing men and exploring the male side of relationships. I can’t wait to share the guy version! There will also be fresh, fun tips and tools that everyone can use!
Can we get your contact information? Where should we go to learn more about He Did You a Favor and your other work?
Is there anything else you are dying to share?
Yes! I just got engaged! My boyfriend popped the question on Christmas morning. He gave a ring to my daughter as well and asked if he could be part of the family. Now that’s an amazing, thoughtful man! Luckily, she said, “Yes” too!
Congratulations Debra!!! Thank you for sharing a bit of yourself with us here @ A Handful of Everything. I'm so happy for your engagement news! You deserve it darlin'!
I can't wait to see your new books and the movie when it's ready :)
When I received this book to review I wasn't sure how much I was going to be able to relate to since it is about break ups and moving on to the next stage in your life. I am a Military Wife and Mom of two, not single. I was surprised at how many valuable insights were in this book that can be applied even from within a relationship!
Miss Debra is amazingly motivational. Some of the examples of what I have bookmarked are:
"The truth is you are loved. The truth is you can overcome anything. The truth is you are a powerful superwoman."
"Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say, 'Hi gorgeous' ...and mean it."
"Confidence is your best accessory."
"Believe in the Life You Want and Start Living It Now."
The Warrior Princess:
-She's self-assured.
-She's independent.
-She gives and receives loves equally.
-She's courageous and kind.
-She values her self-worth.
She also has self improvement workshops throughout the book:
Taking Loving Care of You
Your Awesome Self-Esteem Booster
So, even though the author has focused this book specifically for those going through a hard break-up. You don't have to be going through one to learn something and be motivated by this book. You will feel like you are talking to a good friend who is cheering you on as you are reading.
Miss Debra, Thank you for inspiring the good in others and encouraging us to overcome the fear that holds us back so we can do what we are meant to do!
